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The Hobbit sucks…

Last night I went with my sister to go watch the new Hobbit movie at the Alamo Drafthouse, which, if you have never been to one, is an awesome type of movie theater. You get a little counter/table thing in front of you, can order food or beer during the movie, and a waiter brings it out to you. It’s things like that, that will get me to go pay large money for a movie. Another point for another time. When I got done with the movie, I left wishing that there was something else I could have seen, and not anticipating a sequel or follow up to this one.

Before I say anything else, there are no spoilers to the movie here, so don’t freak out that I might be giving something away. Besides, its not like the books haven’t been out for years, so if you don’t know the story by now, go fuck yourself. Wikipedia, IMDB, and the public library can get you the info on this story. Having said that, I haven’t read any of the books, never cared to, but do know the general story. Speaking of which a little backstory on me…

I remember when I was young, before DVD was readily available, even VHS players could be expensive, and forget even thinking of anything on demand or streaming. I remember that even though there was cable, it still wasn’t as crazy as it is today with the amount of channels and entertainment. With that in mind, every once in a while, my Mom would come up to us and tell us of this great space movie that was going to be on and that we should watch it because it was great. It was called Star Wars. Now as a kid I hated anything sci fi, wizardy, or magical because to me that was lame stuff. It took to being a senior in high school to finally watch Star Wars and only because one of my friends had it on. Loved it, got hooked on it, and will watch it whenever it is on. Not over the top Star Wars like I used to be, but still enjoy it. The same was with the Lord of the Rings movies. I didn’t want to see the Fellowship one, because again, nerds only enjoy crap like that. Then one night my parents rented it, and we watched it, and I liked it. Liked the story and movie so much that I went to see the Two Towers, and Return of the King in the theater, because I was hooked. Peter Jackson couldn’t have done any better, he made it interesting. He made a major deposit in the Bank of Sean where I was willing to watch whatever version of this movie came out, because I was for sure thinking that it was going to be as great.

Cut to last night. I figured the movie would be long, hell the others would, so why wouldn’t this too? The movie to me was….lackluster. It dragged a bit, and had some action, but not enough action that made me think “Holy shit how are they gonna get out of this?” There was a lot of George Lucasy crap thrown in there like his prequels that seemed to me just to do a nod to the other ones. Hey look over there, its that Elijah Wood guy, remember? Oh and that guy who was his uncle, and hey look they are showing this again…ughhh. I get why it was in there and yes I know that some of it is necessary, but it seemed like it was forced, to me anyway. Then just as I’m starting to see where the movie was going, because I still wasn’t fully into it, it ended. Just like that. I turn to my sister and say “What the hell?” She tells me that this was the first part of three movies. Now I’m a bit angry. I’m not informed of this movie enough to have known a sequel was going to be done, let alone a trilogy. That just screams of being frivolous to me. I guess I could understand it broken into two movies, a lot of franchises are doing that lately with the last of their stories, but not three.
The movie didn’t flat out suck in the way that I felt cheated, and it was horseshit. It was just blah. With it being just blah, I don’t feel the need to come in and watch part 2 and screw part 3. All that credit in the Bank of Sean just taken out in one swoop. It seemed to me that Peter Jackson, or the idiots marketing the movie pulled a Lucas and are trying to get every last drop out of this story. To me that stinks. I know people are gonna go see it, especially the diehards like my sister, but if you are going to get the others out there, especially to see the next one, figure out a way to make the story as interesting as it was to get people to buy the book initially. Or just expect a kind of lackluster movie that has no staying power at the box office.

Rant over, thought I would go into other movies that seemed blah to me that are supposed to mean something, but maybe for another time.


2 Comments on The Hobbit sucks…

  1. You are right Dude… This movie sucked big time! I’m an old guy (nearly 63) but my taste for good movies is still vibrant. The reason I mention my age is because you need to know that when I was in grade 8, the “in” kids of my generation were all into Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy and, of course, The Hobbit. Now, there was an obvious reason that dragging The Lord of the Rings out into 3 sequels was allowable, although making it far too long. The story was, after all, a trilogy in written form. But to do this with The Hobbit was just plain stupid. It is a short and entertaining story. All this first Hobbit movie did was drag out a story that could have been great if it only stuck to the story. But it didn’t stick to the story. It’s like Jackson used 5% of the original story, then made up another story to wrap around it. Bilbo was nothing like the Bilbo Baggins of the Shire we read about, or even close to the Bilbo we loved in The Lord of The Rings movies and Thorin Oakenshield certainly did not look like the dwarf that Tolkien wrote of in his book. The fight scenes were way over done and te acting was lame. I wouldn’t go to see this movie again if someone bought me the ticket.


    • That is exactly what I told my sister about seeing the sequels, not even for free. I honestly believe that it is kind of a George Lucas attempt to get as much money as he can out of the franchise because people will pay money no matter how bad it is. Thanks for your feedback


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