Recently, I re-watched Jodie Foster’s 2011 directorial effort The Beaver. Like a schoolboy, I found myself chuckling at the film’s unfortunate title. Beavers are real creatures. They are aquatic rodents. But my immature mentality had me snickering because the title sounded so…well, dirty. You would be just as likely to find a movie with ‘beaver’ in the title at the local adult video store and that detail was not lost juvenile writer. The Beaver is not alone in its double entrenre-ness. Far from it. Movies have coincidentally or overtly had suggestive titles for years. So I scoured the globe (globe = our DVD collection) to come up with the best suggestive or dirty minded titles of all time. They were easy to find and had me giggling with every keystroke. The list:
Dirty Dancing (1997)
There was hardly anything dirty about this PG-13 dance movie that showcased the late Patrick Swayze’s moves. But the title was enough to make religious parents cringe like John Lithgow in Footloose. For the record, there was dancing, but dirty? We don’t think so.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
We are sure the sexual innuendo of the title was not lost on its star, Tom Green. The film was rated-R for ‘crude, sexual and bizarre behavior’, but Freddy didn’t get fingered in a way that a bowling ball does nightly.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)
It’s not so much the Chitty Chitty as it is the Bang Bang. And even though the movie did have dirty/funnyman Benny Hill in the mix, this was a children’s musical through and through. Not since I bought Dr. Seuss’ Hop on Pop have we been so disappointed with a title having nothing to do with anything nasty.
James Bond was a walking Human Resources nightmare and some of the character names in the franchise were legendary (Pussy Galore!). But the studio went from broke when they decided to use the word ‘pussy’ right in the poster that was promoting the film. Octopussy ranks middle to low in the pack of Bond entries, but the title still remains one of the best – even if it now sounds like a SyFy Original Movie.
Deep Impact (1998)
Maybe we just have dirty minds. But there is something about the title Deep Impact that has us thinking less of Tea Leone wrestling with the reality that the world is about to be hit by a catastrophic asteroid as it does have us ponder Tea Leone getting rammed by someone named ‘Rock’ while the world is on the brink of disaster.
Free Willy (1993)
Growing up in an Irish household, ‘Willy’ was the cute word given to reference our penis. So when the film Free Willy was released in 1993, you could imagine our schoolyard giggles over the title. Add to the mix that the movie was about a giant beast with a blow hole and you are just adding to the pervert side in all of us. Of course, a soundtrack that included a song by Michael Jackson kinda made you want to stop laughing and put Willy back where he was safe.
Fire Down Below (1997)
Over the past 10 years, Steven Seagal’s films have brought us lots of laughs – most of them unintentional. But this title stands as his best outside of Hard to Kill. Funny story, I went to Cuba once…got into the wrong crowd…and came back having to see the doctor about a burning sensation. When asked to describe it, I responded, “It’s like a Fire Down Below”. My doctor then drop kicked me and yelled, “You think you’re above the law. Well, you ain’t above mine!” He then gave me a prescription and we made a follow-up appointment.
Black Snake Moan (2007)
All three words are synonymous with those videos that I have to hide from my young nephews and nieces when they come over. But this film starred Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci in a tale that had some black but no snake and hardly much moaning. It still inspired me to make my own porn movie and rip off the title. Expect to see GregMO in White Worm Whimper coming out later this fall.
Sometimes producers make it too easy. Guy Ritchie’s tale titled Snatch hardly needs me to direct your mind where it is likely already. It reminds me of a joke from the film Stuck On You when the two Siamese brothers are doing a crossword and one asks, “What’s a four letter word for snatch?”; “Grab”, the brother answers. “Boy, was I wrong” says the other as he quickly erases his answer on the paper. Again, too easy.
Ha ha ha. We get it. Triple X, like in porno film ratings. What? Vin Diesel is in the film? For real? So it DOES have a dick in it. “XXX rated PG-13” – just sounds stupid.
Big Daddy (1999)
We think we could have made a better porn out of this title than Adam Sandler did a comedy. The film did star Joey Lauren Adams who ironically was my go-to-fantasy girl in 1999 when my Big Daddy wasn’t performing properly.
Inside Man (2006)
Ok, maybe we are stretching our list a tad with this one.
Dirty Harry (1971)
Just how dirty was Harry? Well, he loved his pistol more than his women (although that sounds dirty also). Clint Eastwood has likely had his share of women throughout his historic career, but on screen in Dirty Harry, we didn’t see any of Harry’s hairy and he didn’t exactly get dirty – well, not in a sweaty “I will open your legs like a public pool on a summer holiday” kind of way.
I can’t tell you how excited I was when I heard that Penélope Cruz was starring in a movie called Blow. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was to find out that ‘blow’ was a term used to describe ‘cocaine’. That is until I did a line and grabbed my Penélope Cruz doll out of the closet and elaborately McGyvered it to the Dyson vacuum cleaner I had in garage.
Other films worthy of our lists consideration:
Fun with Dick and Jane
Some Like It Hot
Bring It On
Bend it Like Beckham
What Lies Beneath
All Night Long
As Good As It Gets