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‘The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies’ Movie Review by Sean Breeding

Well, I didn’t want to do it, but I had to see how this thing ended. Much like the Star Wars Prequels, after dealing with the first two, I felt obligated to just take one more stab at watching this again. I wasn’t disappointed, because I already had a feeling what I was in store for. I just had no idea I would be subjugated to this much of it.

I’m too lazy to go back an look at my reviews for the first two Hobbit movies, so in case I haven’t already said it, let me get some positives out of the way. Peter Jackson know’s how to make a movie. His imagination is grand, and everything in this picture was beautifully shot. I give him kudos for giving enough of a crap to at least not clutter everything else like another famous trilogy creator that thought the way to make a film was fill it with as much shit in it as possible regardless….and that’s about it.

Lets also get this out of the way. Review is basically opinion, and my opinion is probably way different than the rest of the world on this, so just put that where it needs to be, I’m just giving an opinion on this movie, and now the Hobbit Trilogy in total.

Garbage. An overstuffed garbage bag is how I would describe this last film, and trilogy altogether. Although it wasn’t Lucas levels of bad, there was a lot of lets shove as much J.R.R. Tolkien’s works into it as possible, because I doubt we will get a chance to do this again. That is not a reason to make a movie, it IS a reason to make money, and that is all this seems to be.

I’m going to try my best to not spoil this movie, but forgive me if I do. There seemed to be so much ham-fisted dialogue, scenes for no reason, and schlock action taken to the 11th degree. I openly laughed at a couple of scenes that were not supposed to convey humor. There was also some scenes that felt very Lucas Prequelish that looked like they were put there so it could be all wrapped up to fit flawlessly with the Lord of the Rings. We don’t need that Peter, we know what happens later, you don’t need to remind us.

By the end of the movie I was a mixed emotion of laughing and anger, and once again, other than making money, I have no clue why these movies were made. At least they didn’t have a million wide shot running scenes, but we still got the Rube Goldberg machine scenes when elaborate statues or buildings fall on to each other to move us to the next action scene…

Actual scene from The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies


Do I recommend go seeing it? Not personally. I didn’t enjoy it, and probably won’t watch it again unless I’m in a room of friends heavily drinking. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go see it. Most everyone will like it, because if it has The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings slapped on it, it will get the automatic pass…much like anything with a STAR WARS label gets cheers without even questioning logic.

Oh boy…Here we go again…



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