The Intestinal Fortitude News Feed

2015 Sucks So Far by Gregmo Roberts

So far, the 2015 movie season has sucked. How do I know? I know by looking at the hundreds of dollar’s worth of gift certificates for local theatres I received this Christmas that still sit on my bedroom dresser untouched. We are now a week into February and I have yet to see one film in the theatre. Not one. Now that number might seem on target for most, but for this writer it is an incredible anomaly.

In 2014, I screened 689 films with over 75 having been screened in a theatre. For those needing help with the math, that equates just short of 1.5 films screened in a theatre per week of the calendar year.

Yet this year there has been little to gather my attention and bring me hopping to the multiplex. I predicted that 2015 would break box office records. We are just off to a snail’s pace start. Preferring quality over quantity it will come to no surprise that I haven’t tasted popcorn since 2014. The top 10 films with a release date in 2015 so far are, Taken 3, Paddington, The Wedding Ringer, The Boy Next Door, The Woman in Black 2, Strange Magic, Project Almanac, Black or White and Blackhat. Paddington is presently sitting with a 98% certified fresh rating on rottentomatoes.com. But none of the remaining titles on the list have a rating over 40% with Taken 3 dragging the lake with a 10% approval rating.

Yes, American Sniper is blowing the doors off the box office records vault in becoming the most successful war films of all-time. But it was released in December (when I was able to catch a screening), so it doesn’t count.

2015 will still come out shining like a newly minted penny. Avengers 2, Star Wars 7, Another Fast and Furious, Jurassic Park and Bond film just to name a few will all catapult the box office receipts this year to record highs. But as long as studios continue to dump the Mortdecai’s at audiences, I will continue to sit on my hands every week-end storing my gift cards like a squirrel preparing for winter.

In the meantime, I can’t help but look to the near future in hopes of a title that whets the appetite. Kingsman: The Secret Service intrigues me and will likely be my first foray into the darkened theatre in 2015 when it is released next year. But after Kingsman, I have to look to Chappie set to be released in March before I see my second.

Come on studios! Get with the program and release something that is worth seeing. Take my money! I beg you!

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1 Comment on 2015 Sucks So Far by Gregmo Roberts

  1. darkdeadite // March 5, 2015 at 8:24 pm // Reply

    It really is bad man. Like you said I know come Spring we will be fine, but one can only Dream Of Spring for so long before getting cabin fever. I heard good things about IT Follows. So maybe ill check that out. Heres to hoping…Cheers

    Like

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